at times, i turn into a sleepwalker - caught in a dream, a landscape of concepts, theories, visuals. submerging in the vastness of matters to discover, losing the sense of where i started and why. i equally love and hate that. at times, this leads to a research without beginning and end, a too vast field of discoveries, loosing a clear line. but at the same time, paying attention to all the rhizomatic intertwinements, which start to reveal once you dive deeper into an area of inquiry, lead to discovering connections others overlook. spanning an arch to other contexts, disciplines, theories. i want to learn how to wander without loosing touch. i want to learn to master walking on this fine line between too vast and too narrow.


there is no absolute truth. what we believe to be true is always a momentary reception, constructed by what we think we know - its cultural, historical and political moulding and a dash of egocentrism.


how could you colour the air?


what colour has air?


monsters, ghosts, tentacles - why is the postanthropocentric, ecofeminist discourse so crowded by them?


how do you know i am insane? how do you know i am not?
how do you know i lie? how do you know i am not?


being lost is a curious perception. totally internal - nothing exterior changes, not the surrounding nor its objectivity. but still, one moment we feel lost and sometimes only a split second later we feel secure and rooted again.




how close am i able to be?


sometimes i think about empty spaces, something defined through its absence, its occupation, its framing. and then i realize, that there is no such thing as emptyness. there is only this filter of perception creating the illusion of empty space we call air.


reading about hyperobjects, thinking about connectedness made me remember reading the swarm by frank schätzing. i remembered loving so many of the conversations, the thoughts characters had and especially that there was this otherness, this force that no-one could really understand. i also remember being extremely dissapointed, when in the end, the humans figured a way out to control the other, destroy it. but now i might have understood that this other was the embodied dream of something bigger, something that humans will never be able to feel - to live entire connectedness -  but the swarm could. everything one of the many lived, felt, saw became common knowledge and experinece in the tiniest split second. how wonderful that would be, if we would be able to share in such a depth. there would be no missunderstandings, no wars, no fights as every action would be understood, experienced, lived, experienced by every one of us. also very boring as there would be no surprises. the distruction of the swarm in the end was therefore necessary, as it was just a stupid little dream, a monster excisting in our heads to overcome humanness.

why are we always in the search for something bigger? an explanaition, a solution for everything? why can’t we just stay with not knowing, not being able to fully control and understand? i hate the feeling myself, so i guess i might find the answer talking to myself.


close your eyes if you are looking for endlessness


what a funny illusion that was last night

30/03/2019 / nothing more left to say

note to self: tonight i understood everything.

24/02/2019 / lorem ipsum

what are words? they should be my tool, my bridge, my pencil to make you understand, to sketch what the world looks like in my head. are words still words if i can’t make you understand? or are they just a replacement text because the real text is currently unavailable?


how close may i be?


at some point you stop questioning the daily, it becomes habitual. are things right because they have always been this way? why is noone asking anymore?


eine junge barberieentenbrust kühle unseren gin


i want to be here, see what i see, experience. i think it is important to create a dialogue, share. more people should be confronted. not on a violent but in an warm way. even if this is the most difficult thing in the world, to overcome anger and share. we have to get over this superficial uncomfortableness and understand that the context that shaped us is not what defines us.


meine augen sind müde, aber ich bin wach